So Far Away
by rita louise evans
Summary: Randy walked out on his wife and unborn child now he's come back will he be able to get his family back.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

It's been fifteen years now since Randy left the love of his life when she needed him the most he was just so young he didn't know how to handle the situation and he did the one thing he thought he'd never do he became his father. He was only eighteen years old he was too young to handle the situation when Lita told him she was pregnant he was scared and instead of being honest with her he left. He hated himself for leaving and he couldn't blame her if she hated him for it.

Randy remembers the day like it was yesterday he just got off the phone with the marine officer he went to see after he never got into college about being a marine and he got in, he was leaving for base as soon as he graduated high school. He wanted to tell Lita she was the only family that mattered to him and he still couldn't believe she was his wife. When Randy went home to tell Lita his news before he could say anything she blurted out she was pregnant he didn't know what to do or say so he just walked out.

Randy knows he should have gone back home that day but he just couldn't he wasn't ready to be a father and how could he leave for the marines with a baby on the way so he left, he drove his motor bike to his uncle's place in St Louis until he was to be called up. Just as he was getting ready to leave he thought about going back to Cameron but he just couldn't he didn't feel he had a right to not after walking out on his wife and unborn child.

When Randy signed up for the marines his plan was for Lita to go to college and he'd be there with her while he was on leave, he couldn't imagine leaving his child as well and he thought if something was to happen to him they wouldn't be able to survive so he did what he thought was right and left them so they wouldn't need him. So many times over the years he's tried to go back but he just couldn't he's thirty three now and not a day goes by when he doesn't think about his wife and child. Even though they hadn't been together for fifteen years they were still married he always expected the divorce papers to arrive but they never did and he hoped he still held his wife's heart. Randy left the marines after serving two tours in Iraq he left to take over his uncles garage after his uncle died five years ago.

After being back in the US for a few months Randy thought about going to see Lita and their child but he couldn't, he couldn't handle it if they hated him not that he could blame them what kind of person walks out they way he did. But now Randy knows he has to go back he has to at least try he can't live without his family anymore and he just hopes he can find a way back to them.

Lita couldn't believe it's been so long since she last saw Randy she always thought of him when it was the twins birthday they were turning fourteen today. She remembers the day she found out she was pregnant like it was yesterday and she was so nervous to tell Randy but Trish told her she was being silly that Randy would be happy about it, boy she couldn't have been more wrong she hasn't seen her husband since the moment she told him she was pregnant. Everyone thought she was stupid to marry Randy when she did, how many people get married junior year of high school but Lita knew they could make it, Randy was her everything since they were eleven years old when he moved to Cameron from St Louis. Lita knew the love they had was real even after all these years she still loved him she just wished he could be here to see their wonderful children.

When Randy left it broke Lita and it took her so long to even get out of bed but she knew she had to change the moment she ended up in hospital and nearly lost her babies, she still couldn't believe she gave birth to twins it was the last thing she expected. The day they were born was the greatest day of her life and she knew then they were the reason she made it through the heartache. Even after all these years Lita couldn't bring herself to divorce Randy, he was her kids father and she still loved him even though she knew she shouldn't he didn't deserve her love not after what he did but she just couldn't stop no matter how hard she tried she knew he would always hold her heart.

Ryan Matthew Orton and Kadie Marie Orton where born on the 18th of March 2001 and even though it was hard to raise twins when your only eighteen years old but she had the best friends anyone could ask for Trish, Jeff, Matt and Maria where with her from day one, it also helped that her mom moved in to help she didn't think she could have made it through the first few years without them. She still lived in the house her Nan bought for her and Randy when they got married she thought about moving so many time but she couldn't this was her home and she always thought one day Randy would make his way back to them.

Randy knew what he had to do and even though it was hard he decided to sell the auto garage in St Louis so he could move back to Cameron. After he sold it he bought an apartment in Cameron and put the rest of the money away, even though it hurt to sell the business he knew that's what his uncle would want him to do it was time for Randy to stop running and go home and get his family back.

 **Chapter 1**

Randy didn't really know what to do he's been back in Cameron a couple of days now and he still couldn't bring himself to go to the house, he didn't even know if they still lived there he hoped they did but he couldn't blame her if she moved. He knew he had to go over there eventually he couldn't keep doing this he needed his family back. After sitting in his car the last thirty minutes he decided it was time to just knock what's the worst that could happen.

"Hi" Randy said a few moments after Lita opened the door, he couldn't believe it was her all he wanted was to hold her in his arms and never let go.

Lita couldn't say anything she couldn't believe this was happening and boy did he look good, he was good looking when they were in high school but now he was strong and rough looking, she'd never been so speechless. Why now after all these years why was he back now she couldn't believe it was him.

Before Lita had a chance to say anything Ryan and Kadie walked towards them. "Hi mom" Kadie said wondering who she was talking too.

"Mom we gonna go inside and watch TV" Ryan said as he kissed his mom on the cheek he could tell something was bothering her but thought it be best not to say anything.

Randy couldn't believe what he was seeing Lita had two children none of this was making any sense.

"What are you doing here" Lita asked as she walked outside to talk to Randy she didn't want the kids to hear what was going on.

"I needed to see you I need my family back but I see you've moved on I guess I'm too late." Randy sighed as he turned to walk away.

"What are you talking about" Lita asked none of this was making any sense.

"I just have to ask did we have a boy or girl" Randy asked it killed him knowing she must have moved on pretty quickly he assumed the boy was his as he was over six foot and the girl was quite short, must be the younger sister there mustn't be much of a gap between ages Randy thought.

"Oh we had one of each, I, we had twins" Lita said this wasn't the conversation she expected to have today.

"I we what" Randy said she had twins now he felt even worse how could he have left her to raise twins buy herself.

"Yeah we did they're fourteen years old and they are the best thing that's ever happened to me, what are you doing here Randy, why now after all these years" Lita asked she still couldn't believe this was happening after all these years.

"I needed to see you I need my family and I can't go another day without you, I know what I did was beyond wrong and I will understand if after I tell you the reasons I left, if you still never want to see me again but I need to explain myself" Randy cried this was harder than he thought.

"You need me, well isn't that nice, what about me Randy, what about what I want, you left me when I needed you the most and I never heard from you again for nearly fifteen years and you expect me to take you back with open arms like nothing happened. Well its not going to happen I'm not going to allow you to hurt me or our kids anymore I will tell them you're here in town and it will be their choice if they want to see you but don't expect too much. I would never have hurt you the way you hurt me you was my world but not anymore I have two children to think about" Lita yelled she tried to remain calm but she was just so angry at him.

"Li I'm so sorry please let me explain I never meant for this to happen I made some poor choices but not a day went by when I didn't think about you and our child it's what kept me alive" Randy cried as he walked towards her all he wanted was to hold her in his arms again.

"Don't Randy, just don't I think you should go" Lita cried as she stepped back she couldn't be too near him it hurt too much.

"Ok, Lita please come and see me and let me explain please if you never want to see me again after that I'll leave you alone please just give me a chance" Randy cried as he handed her his address he really hoped she would come but couldn't blame her if she didn't.

Lita didn't really know what to do so she just walked back inside the house she didn't want the kids to see her upset. So she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Mom who was the good looking man at the door" Kadie asked as Ryan laughed.

"Kids I need to tell you something, that, that man was, he, he's your father" Lita broke out as the tears came again this was so hard to explain.

"I knew it, I knew it was him" Ryan yelled he hated him what kind of man abandons his family.

"Oh gross I thought my dad was hot" Kadie gagged making everyone laugh.

"Ryan, Kadie if you want to get to know him, that's fine you disserve to get to know him, I'm sorry he wasn't in your life" Lita cried she never expected this day to ever come.

"Mama don't cry" Ryan said as he hugged his mom.

"Mom what was dad like" Kadie asked she never really asked about her dad but know he was here she wanted to know.

"Kadie what the hell, why do you even want to know, he left mom he left us and now he thinks he can come back after all these years and hurt you again well I ain't gonna let that happen" Ryan said as he got up and grabbed the address from the table.

"Ryan stop please don't do anything" Lita said she didn't want things to be like this.

"No mom he's not going to hurt you again" Ryan said as he stormed out.

Lita didn't really know what to do with everything that's about to happen she knew she had to go after Ryan, she didn't want anything bad to happen and she'd never seen her son so angry. Before Lita could even think about what she was going to do she heard Ryan's motor cross bike starting up.

"Kadie come on we've got to go after your brother" Lita said as she grabbed her car keys.

"Mom what's going to happen" Kadie asked as they was driving into town to Randy's place.

"I don't know we have to find him, I'm going to kill Jeff I told him Ryan was too young for a bike" Lita cried as she tried to find her son.

End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews.

 **Chapter 2**

Randy hasn't been home long he was just going through some documents he had sent from St Louis that just arrived he really wasn't in the mood after the day he had, he never knew it be this hard. It was so surreal to see Lita and their kids he still couldn't believe they had twins he know felt even worse for leaving like he did.

As Randy was placing the paper work away he heard a knock on the door he wondered who it could be, it couldn't be Lita he just left her place. He couldn't believe who it was when he opened the door, he knew it was his son he looked just like him, Randy didn't even know his name, he didn't know what to say.

"Stay away from my mom" Ryan said as he punched his dad in the face and pushed him into the wall.

"I'm not going to hurt her" Randy pleaded as his son was pinning him to the wall, with his training he could have easily flipped him but he couldn't he disserved this and so much more if his son wanted to hit him he wasn't going to stop him.

"I don't know why your back but I swear if you come near us again, we don't need you I've never needed you" Ryan yelled as he hit him again he didn't know why he just couldn't stop he hated him for the pain he caused.

"Ryan stop" Lita cried as she ran towards her son she didn't know why Randy was just letting Ryan hit him but she could see the pain in his eyes.

"Mom I, I'm sorry" Ryan said as he looked down and saw his father's blood on his hands.

"Ryan it's ok come here" Lita cried as she tried to hold her son she'd never seen him like that she never knew how much not having a father effected him until this moment.

"I, I can't do this mom" Ryan said as he took off.

"Kadie go after your brother please make sure he doesn't do anything stupid" Lita cried she knew she couldn't go after Ryan he was too upset and he'd want to be on his own Kadie can talk to him and try to calm him down.

"I'm sorry Lita this is all my fault" Randy cried as he wiped the blood from his nose.

"Are you ok" Lita asked as she walked towards him his face looked pretty bad.

"I'll be fine" Randy cried as he sat down this wasn't how he expected things to happen he'd never felt such hatred before.

"Let me have a look at your nose it could be broken" Lita said as she sat in front of him.

"You should go after our son he needs you I'll be fine" Randy cried he'd been through worse pain than this he didn't want Lita to see him like this.

"I'm sorry about what Ryan did you didn't disserve that, I don't know what came over him he's a good kid, trust me he doesn't normally act like that" Lita said as she defended her son what he did was wrong but out of character.

"It's ok I'm the one who's sorry and this is my fault not yours I did this to our family" Randy cried as she cleaned up his face.

"I don't think it's broken it will just be bruised for a few days" Lita said as she got up she couldn't look into his eyes any longer she was starting to get pulled into him again and she knew that couldn't happen.

"Lita I need to explain to you why I left" Randy said as she tried to leave he couldn't let her go without knowing not this time.

"Randy I told you earlier I don't want to know, I'm just here to see if your ok, please don't make this any harder" Lita sighed as she got up to leave.

After sitting in the park for the last twenty minutes Ryan still wasn't talking and he was grateful Kadie wasn't pushing the issue she just sat with him in silence knowing that's what he needed right now.

"You know I never meant to hit him like I did I just wanted to tell him to stay away" Ryan sighed as he looked down to the ground he didn't want his sister to be disappointed in him as well.

"I know you didn't Ryan, don't worry mom will be more worried about you than mad, you know you've got to apologize we don't know him enough to pass judgement" Kadie said as she hugged her brother.

"I know I will, I'll head there in a minute and don't worry I won't hit him again, I can't even explain the anger I felt I saw him and I just saw red but your right he didn't disserve what I did to him" Ryan said as he got up he didn't really feel like seeing his father again but he knew he had to do the right thing.

"Ok are you sure you're going to be ok I promised Erin I'd help her with her homework" Kadie said as she got up to leave.

"I'll be fine, after saying sorry I'm going to head home and talk to mom" Ryan said as he hugged his sister goodbye.

After sitting there a few minutes Randy knew he'd have to do something she had to know what happened all this was killing him and he didn't think he could go another second without her knowing.

"Lita please let me explain if you never want to see me again after I'll respect that but please give me a chance" Randy begged he didn't care if he looked pathetic he needed his wife and family back in his life.

"Ok, I'll listen" Lita said as she sat down even though she knew it kill her to find out the real reason why he left, she'd always assumed it was due to the pregnancy and the thought of that actually being true kills her.

"Ok I guess I better start at the beginning, do you remember career day during senior year" Randy asked this was a lot harder than he thought.

"Yeah I remember what's this got to do with you leaving" Lita asked none of this was making sense.

"It's going to lead to that I promise, so anyway a couple of days before I had a meeting with the guidance councillor and it turn out I was barely going to graduate high school and wouldn't be getting into any college. Them few days after I felt like such a failure like I somehow let you down, you were so smart and could get into any college you wanted" Randy cried as he saw the hurt look in her eyes.

"So you left me because you didn't get into college are you stupid I would have gone anywhere for you I'd have waited until you were excepted" Lita cried she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I know and I love you for that, but that's not the reason I left, at career day I was speaking to a guy from the marines and suggested I apply to be a marine. So I did and I didn't hear anything for a couple of months I even forgot about applying I was just trying to get all my work in on time to graduate. Just before you told me you where pregnant I got a call I was going to be called up as soon as I graduated, I couldn't wait to tell you, I know longer felt like a failure. The plan was for me to join the marines, you go off to college and I see you every time I'm on leave, that way you could concentrate on college without worrying about me" Randy cried he knew this next part was going to kill her but he knew he had to tell her.

"So what happened, why didn't that happen" Lita asked she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"When you told me you were pregnant and I walked out, I sat down by the docks and thought about what I was going to do I knew I couldn't leave you for months at a time not with a baby on the way, but I knew I couldn't get out of the marines and I wanted you to still go to college. I knew you'd worry about me and I thought if something was to happen to me, if I was killed in action, what it would do to you and our child. So I thought it would be easier if I left, and had you hating me, I'd rather you hated me than to grieve me. I just did what I thought was right. I moved down to St Louis that day and got my GED and I served my country for nine years and got full military honours. But I'd trade it all if it meant I could be with you and our kids" Randy cried he wished every day he'd done things different but he couldn't change it now.

"Wow what do you want me to say to this Randy, why did you think I wouldn't support you, I would have, I would have been there for you every step of the way, even if you were hurt or something did happen to you we would have got through it as a family" Lita cried this was all too much to take.

"I know you would have but I couldn't let you give up your dreams for me, I didn't want you or the child to deal with loss, I knew I was going to be away a lot and I knew I couldn't handle it I'd spend all my time wanting to be with you and our child" Randy cried with his head in his hands.

"We dealt with the loss anyway, do you have any idea what it was like for me thinking you left me because I was pregnant, how the one person I loved more than anybody on the planet didn't want the child we created together. It was hell for me and I barely made it through the pain. But I knew I had to I had kids to think about I couldn't be selfish unlike you I put my kids first" Lita yelled she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Lita I know you may not believe me but I did what I thought was right, Iraq was a dangerous terrible place and I barely made it out of there alive" Randy yelled he didn't mean to he's never spoken about the war to anyone.

"What do you mean you barely made it out alive" Lita asked she would have found out if something bad happened as she was still legally his wife.

"I promised myself I'd never talk about this it doesn't really matter anyway I'm here I'm fine" Randy said as he tried to change the subject.

"No Randy it matters your telling me all this other stuff I have to here this too" Lita cried as much as it scared her she had to know.

"Ok, it was during my second tour to Iraq me and my unit where ambushed as we was evacuating a small village, I should have listened to my commander but I just had to save the people stuck inside, I was shot three times" Randy cried this was the first time he's spoke about it to anyone.

"Oh my god, why didn't anyone ring me I should have been told" Lita cried she never expected to hear that.

"You would have been but I begged John not to tell you, he knew everything about why I left and he told command it was not to be mentioned it was top priority no one was to find out about it" Randy said which he knew was going to make her mad.

"Do you hate me that much, what if you'd have died they would have had to tell me then, you get a military funeral. So how do you think I would have handled that. I'm sitting in my house and two military personal turn up and tell me my husband who abandoned me years before died serving our country and thanking me for his service, how do you think I would have handled that" Lita yelled as she slapped him around the face she'd never felt so angry at him before not even after he left her like he did.

"I, I never thought about that" Randy cried as he rubbed the spot she slapped him.

"No you didn't think, I would have found out what happened to you, if you was with me or not, we're still married. Well not for much longer I never thought I'd ever be ready to say this but it's over we're over I never want to see you again, if you want to get to know our kids I won't stop you but don't even think about seeing me act as if I don't even exist, it should be easy for you, you've done it for the past fifteen years" Lita yelled as she took her wedding ring off for the first time in seventeen years she placed it on the table as she stormed out.

Randy thought about going after her but he knew he didn't have a right to not after what he did he never even thought about her finding out if he'd been hurt or killed he wished he could go back and change everything.

 **End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for the reviews.**

 **Chapter 3**

Ryan couldn't believe all that he'd heard and when he saw his mom storm out he thought about going after her but he knew he had to talk to Randy first he needed to apologize.

"You know she'll forgive you mom's just mad right now" Ryan said as he approached Randy.

"I don't think she will I've hurt her to much this time" Randy cried as he held her ring in his hands.

"I heard what you said and I don't blame you not anymore, I understand you chose to protect us and I thank you for your service" Ryan said as he went and sat next to the man he never knew but now wanted to get to know.

"You don't hate me, but I thought you wanted me gone" Randy asked he was confused an hour ago his son was hitting him and he deserved his hate not this.

"Well I did want you gone but I've changed my mind when I was little I was very close to my granddad and he was like you a marine and it killed him leaving mom when she was little, he told me about the times he felt like giving up but he knew he had to protect our country, and by him serving for our country he was protecting mom and all the future generations. There is no higher honour than to serve our country, I have respect for all military and I'm sure if granddad was alive right now he'd be thanking you too" Ryan said it was hard to talk about him he was a father figure to him growing up.

"As much as it was an honour to serve my country I would trade it all to have been with your mom and seen you and your sister grow up, I made my choice thinking I was doing the right thing but your mom was right I should have just been honest with her, I should never have left I just didn't want you to have to grieve me if something was to happen to me. I now know that was a stupid idea but I was young and I thought I was doing the right thing" Randy cried as he clung to Lita's ring.

"I know I get that and one day mom will too, she's just hurting right now and I know we don't really know each other but I would like to get to know you, I've never really wanted a father because you can't miss what you've never had but I would like to know what it's like to have a dad I understand if you don't want to, especially after what happened earlier and I'm sorry for hitting you like I did and that's why I was here to apologize to you" Ryan said hoping his dad would give him a chance.

"Ryan you have nothing to apologize for, I did this to our family not you and I would love to get to know you and your sister, I know I've never been there for you but I want that to change and I'll be here whenever you need me, so your mom said you play football" Randy asked it was time to get to know his kids he'd waited far too long.

"Yeah I'm pretty good when I go up to high school coach Jackson said I'll be a starter he said he hasn't seen talent like mine since you was at the school. I knew I had to be a star and break all your records so I train a lot I've been my school captain all season, why did you quit playing I didn't want to ask mom I didn't want her to get upset by bringing your name up" Ryan asked it didn't make sense he was the star player and he just quite right before senior year.

"It was during the summer before senior year I'd been getting these really bad headaches and it was causing me nosebleeds and your mom was worried about me she hated football and it scared her every time I stepped out on the field. I knew she didn't want me to play anymore but I knew she would never ask me to stop so I quite for her I knew if I was to get hurt I'd be a burden to her and I would do anything for your mom, she was so smart she could go to any college and I wanted that for her I didn't want her to give up her dreams for me if I continued play football I would have gotten into a good college football program and I knew your mom would follow me so I couldn't let that happen so I retired I haven't played since" Randy said he'd never told anyone the reason he gave the game up not even Lita knew he didn't want her to feel like it was her fault it was his decision and he'd choose her every time.

"Wow, you must have really loved mom I don't think I could ever give up the game, so why was you getting headaches and nosebleeds" Ryan asked there must have been a reason and he hoped it wasn't playing football.

"I had a deviated septum I had it fixed while I was in the army, it was nothing to do with football but your mom thought it was and it worried her I never looked into it until I had a medical and found out what it was, to be honest I still would have gave the game up all I wanted was to make your mom happy but I screwed up, when you're a football star you never have to worry about school because you get a free ride but as soon as I gave it up that all stopped and I had to work so hard and I felt like a failure, I just wanted to be somebody who was good enough for your mom and that's why I signed up to be a marine but I never thought I'd get in, now I wish I never did look at all I've missed out on because I decided to be a marine, I turned into the one man I swore I'd never be, I'm sorry I let you down like my dad let me down but you have to believe me I thought about your mom and our child everyday it's the only thing that kept me alive over there. I wrote to your mom every day I just couldn't send them, John tried to get me to a couple of times but I just couldn't I didn't want to disrupt your lives especially if I couldn't be there all the time, I hope one day you all can forgive me, what kind of man walks out on his family I'll never forgive myself for that" Randy cried as he handed Ryan Lita's ring he didn't disserve it.

"This is mom's ring how, how did you get it" Ryan asked his mom never took the ring off, not even he asked her too so many times he never understood why she kept the ring from a man that left them.

"She gave it to me as she walked out I don't know what to do with it, I've messed up and I don't know how to fix it, but you disserve it I know mom would want you or your sister to have it I don't disserve to have it" Randy cried this was so hard he couldn't believe have all this time his marriage was over.

"Ok I'll look after it until your back together mom's held on to you so long, I know she'll forgive you it's just gonna take some time, but please don't leave again I know she won't be able to take that" Ryan said as he put the ring in his pocket.

"I promise you I'm never leaving again and I'll never give up on your mom I've loved her since I was eleven years old" Randy said hoping he believed him he's been lost all these years now he had something to live for.

"Hey Randy why your front door wide open" John said as he walked into his best friends new house.

"John what are you doing here" Randy asked shocked to see his best friend he lived in St Louis this wasn't making any sense.

"Oh why am I here Torrie kicked me out, see I kinda cheated on her but to my defence she was cheating on me first, I gave her the house because I didn't want to fight I just want it to be over, so I decided to come stay with you for a few days, so who's the kid" John asked as he grabbed a beer.

"John this is my son Ryan, Ryan this is my stupid friend John as you can see he's an idiot so what's happening with Toby" Randy asked not expecting to hear what John told him.

"He's staying with Torrie we going to split custody wants the divorce is final, so this is your son, nice to meet you" John said as he shook Ryan's hand.

"Nice to meet you too, Randy I better go I need to speak to mom but I'll be over tomorrow and we can hang out or something" Ryan said as he got up to leave.

"Ryan wait I need to give you something, you can choose what to do with it" Randy said as he handed Ryan a box full of unsent letters he'd written through the years.

"Wow Randy I can't take this" Ryan said as he tried to hand it back.

"Please Ryan I want you to have them as much as I want your mom to have them I know she'll never want them and that's my fault, you can read them if you want or not it's up to you but I can't keep them not anymore" Randy cried hoping he would take them he's held on to them for too long and they needed to be with his family.

"Ok I'll take them, by John, see you later Randy" Ryan said as he was about to leave.

"Ryan how are you getting home your mom would kill me if I let you take your bike, I'll drive you, John I'll be back soon.

When Lita got home she didn't really know what to do not anymore she'd never thought she'd see the day where her and Randy's marriage was over but now that day has come she's never felt so broken all these years she held on to him, held on to their marriage and he never even cared, not really how could he think leaving her and their children was a good thing. He wasn't the Randy she married the Randy who promised her forever, this Randy she never wanted to see ever again he could have died and he would have let her grieve even though he'd abandoned them when they needed him the most how could he have done that to her to their family.

"Hi mom" Ryan said as he came through the door.

"Hi please tell me your ok you really worried me earlier" Lita asked as she got up, he's never acted like that before.

"I'm fine mom I want to apologize for the way I acted I can't explain it I just felt so much anger, I spoke to Randy and apologized and mom I really want to get to know him, you know he really loves you" Ryan said as he hugged his mom.

"Ryan what your dad did to me wasn't love, but I want you and your sister to get to know him, you deserve to know your father, I just can't be around him he's hurt me to much I just can't do it" Lita cried as her son held her even though it's been years since Randy left this pain feels much worse than before.

"Mom I heard everything earlier I was there, I know you didn't see me, I spoke to Randy about it I understand why he did it, granddad told me how hard it was leaving you I understand it must have been hard for Randy to leave like he did but he thought he was doing the right thing for his family" Ryan said hoping to get through to her, he knew she needed Randy in her life.

"Ryan I'm sorry you had to hear what was said, but I just can't forgive him, he's been gone so long he could have told me and let me in but he chose to abandon me with no word nothing for over fifteen years how can I forgive him for that" Lita cried.

"Mom don't cry please if you don't want to see him then don't I just want you to be happy and I know Randy can make you whole again and mom he tried to get in contact he just couldn't send them, mom Randy gave me these he wrote to you every day while he was serving for our country he just didn't know how to send them" Ryan said as he handed her the box Randy gave him.

"Ryan I can't take this I don't want to" Lita said as she placed the box down.

"Mom keep it and when you're ready read them they're addressed to you, mom I'm going to go and get some sleep it's been a very long day and Kadie is staying at Erin's she'll be home tomorrow, if you need me I'll be upstairs" Ryan said as he kissed his mom goodnight.

Lita sat there staring at these letters for the last couple hours and she thought about reading them but she just couldn't she didn't want to know what was in them, so she just placed them under her bed and decided to forget about them.

 **End of chapter please review and tell me what you think thanks.**


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for the reviews I'm going to try and update quicker.

 **Chapter 4**

It's been a couple of days now since Randy's been back and Lita still hasn't spoken to him since she left his house the first day he came back. Ryan and Kadie were getting to know him and she was happy he was finally in his kids lives, they disserve the opportunity to get to know their father. Randy's tried to talk to her but she just can't he hurt her too much she thought about reading the letters Ryan gave to her from Randy and as much as she wanted to read them she just couldn't.

Trish couldn't believe it when Lita asked her to go and see a lawyer with her about a divorce and to be honest it shocked Lita as well she never thought she'd ever go through with it not even when he was gone all these years. The lawyer explained due to his disappearance for all these years it will be a very quick divorce as he'd given up on the marriage years ago. Lita was glad it could go smoothly she didn't want to be put though any more heartache and as much as it kills her to be even thinking about divorce she knows she'll never be able to get over the pain if she's still legally his wife. She didn't know what would happen with their house she doubted he would take it from her and the kids but the lawyer insisted on her speaking to him about it.

When Lita got home from the lawyers Randy and Ryan where in the garage fixing up the Jeep her dad left to Ryan when he died. As much as hit hurt seeing Randy all the time she was happy Ryan was getting to know his father, she never expected them to get on after what happened but she knew how much having Randy around was good for Ryan, since her dad died he's not had a fatherly figure in his life.

"Hi mom, I've done my homework Randy's just helping me, did you know he's a mechanic" Ryan asked his mom as she got out of her car.

"Hi Ryan no I didn't, I'll just get diner started, your sister is staying at Trish's to help her with Jamie as Jeff's working away.

"Ok, mom can Randy stay for diner" Ryan asked hoping she said yes they'd been working for hours and he knew his parents needed to talk.

"Ryan, I'm sure your dad has places he needs to be" Lita said hoping Randy would tell Ryan he couldn't stay she really didn't want to be the bad person in this situation.

Randy knew this was hard on her him being around and he really didn't want to cores his wife pain by staying when he knew she didn't want him there but he knew it would hurt Ryan if he said no and went home he didn't really know what to say.

"Mom it's fine dad's not doing anything, please can he stay for diner I'll even wash up" Ryan said hoping she'd say yes.

"Ok, Randy if you would like to stay for diner, it's ok with me, I need to speak to you about something we can discuss it after we've eaten" Lita said as she went inside she knew it was going to be hard but he needed to hear it from her.

"Ok, thank you Lita for letting me be in my family's life" Randy said things were going better than he expected.

While Lita was cooking Maria popped in she couldn't believe Randy was at Lita's house she hasn't seen him in years, and when Trish told her he was back she nearly fainted so she had to see for herself.

"Hi Maria, what brings you over" Lita asked as she placed the diner in the oven.

"So Randy's back and he's here have you lost your mind, after what he did, I can't believe your letting him back in" Maria said shocked she wasn't expecting this.

"I'm not letting him back in he's here for the kids not me, and this is already hard for me I don't need the lecture" Lita sighed as she sat at the dinner table it's been a long emotional day.

"So you're not getting back together" Maria asked hoping she wasn't how could a man walk out on his family the way he did its unforgivable.

"I'm not getting back together with him, and I never will he hurt me too much" Lita said even though it killed her she knew things were over for good.

"Ok that's good because I've set you up on a date with this guy, he's just moved into the area and he's going through a divorce, I met him the other day he seems like a nice guy" Maria said as she sat across from Lita it was about time the red head started dating it's not normal to be single this long.

"Maria I'm not ready for that" Lita said not believing her and she knew Trish was part of this they've been trying to set her up for years.

"Oh your ready it's time to move on and don't worry about the kids Kadie will be at my house and Ryan is going with Matt to see Jeff in competition" Maria said knowing that would be the next excuse.

"I just can't, I've finally come to terms my marriage is over, I'm just not ready" Lita said she knew she couldn't date someone else she knew Randy still had her heart and she wasn't ready.

"Li. you'll never be ready I've already set it up he's going to meet you and Rosita's at 8pm, you can't cancel now he's knew to town, even if you feel no spark its time you start to move on, you can't hold on to Randy forever, what you had was fifteen years ago that's half your life ago it's time Lita" Maria said hoping she'd listen.

"Ok I'll go but once this is over no more I will move on in my own time and I'm making steps to move on, I've started the divorce proceedings which should go through fast" Lita said hoping that would stop Maria and he silly ideas. She knew one day she'll probably meet someone and want to date again but not right now.

"Hi Randy" Maria smirked knowing he heard what the red head said she hoped it hurt him as much as he's hurt her all these years.

"I, I'm just gonna go, I'll tell Ryan, I just have to go" Randy cried he couldn't believe Lita had filed for divorce this was the last thing he expected to hear. He couldn't blame her after what he did but divorce he never thought this would happen.

"Randy I'm sorry you wasn't supposed to find out like that, that's what I wanted to talk to you about" Lita said as she stopped him from leaving, she never meant to hurt him.

"It's, it's ok no need to apologise I did this to us not you, I'll be over in a couple of days Ryan is going to help me open the new garage, I'll try to stay out of your way" Randy said as he left he'd never felt so broken in all his life not even what he went though in Iraq hurt this bad he's lost the love of his life and he didn't know what to do anymore.

Lita couldn't believe what just happened she never wanted to hurt Randy and it killed her to see him in pain but she needed to move on and she can't do that while she's still his wife, she hoped things would get easier with time at least she hopes so.

"Hey Randy where you of too" Ryan asked as he saw his dad walk towards his car.

"I'm sorry Ryan I have to go, but I'll be over in a couple of days, you can come by my house whenever you want" Randy said as he go into his car he didn't want to hurt his son but he couldn't stay he was to broken.

"Ok are you sure your ok" Ryan asked he could tell something happened when he went into the house.

"I'll be ok take care of your mom she needs you" Randy said as he drove off.

End of chapter thanks for reading please review and tell me what you think thanks for reading.


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